In last week’s article, we explored the importance of not turning away from suffering, as we are so tempted to do. Rather, by turning into our suffering, it can become a means by which we mature “through it and find meaning through union with Christ, who suffered with infinite love.” (SS 37) In the next paragraph, Pope Benedict explains how accepting our own suffering not only helps us get through suffering, but it also equips us to assist others in their suffering. On this point, the Holy Father notes the impact that accepting personal suffering can have on the society in which we live:
A society unable to accept its suffering members and incapable of helping to share their suffering and to bear it inwardly through “com-passion” is a cruel and inhuman society. Yet society cannot accept its suffering members and support them in their trials unless individuals are capable of doing so themselves; moreover, the individual cannot accept another’s suffering unless he personally is able to find meaning in suffering, a path of purification and growth in maturity, a journey of hope. (SS 38)
One who is unwilling to endure suffering themselves will be less likely to help others when they are suffering. But there are times when somebody close to us begins to suffer that we put aside our fear of suffering and enter into their suffering. Though we may not be experiencing the same suffering, nevertheless we suffer with the other person, and the Lord uses that experience of suffering in another to strengthen and purify us, even as we support the one who is suffering. Even if we cannot take away the suffering of another, our presence removes the particularly painful experience that so often accompanies suffering, loneliness and isolation.
I have a vivid memory of this from my childhood after I had a rather major surgery. I woke up very briefly in recovery, feeling a lot of pain and feeling scared. I did not even open my eyes, but I sensed somebody was there in the room. When the voice spoke, it was that of my mother, and though I still felt so uncomfortable, I fell back asleep in peace, knowing that she was there with me and that I was not alone. The following morning, I awoke early in the ICU, but nobody was there. I do not exactly remember how I felt physically, but there was an overwhelming sense of fear of being alone. The nurse assured me that my parents were on their way, and when they did arrive, I was able to be at peace again. Throughout my childhood, whenever I had to stay home due to being sick, which was always miserable, my mom was always there. Though she could not suffer what I was suffering, she was suffering with me and for me as only a mother can and her presence always made the experience much more bearable.
In that regard, we recently celebrated the Memorial of Our Lady of Sorrows. This feast recalls the beautiful truth that as Jesus was dying, Mary stood by the Cross. Her standing signifies a posture of readiness to do whatever she could to help encourage her Son in His final hours. From the Cross, Jesus entrusted His mother to us when He said to her about St. John, and by extension, all of us: “Behold, your son.” (Jn 19:26) Mary always stands close to us in our suffering, ready to offer her motherly encouragement, reminding us that we are never alone in our suffering. May that truth bring us true consolation, and may we imitate her example of standing ready to assist anybody who the Lord invites us to assist in their suffering.