Two weeks ago I mentioned that I will be celebrating my 10^th anniversary as a priest later this month.  Since I was ordained a deacon in 2010, I have kept a record of the various sacraments that I have celebrated.  Since this we are considering the Sacrament of Matrimony this month, I decided to look back at the list of weddings at which I have presided.  To date, I have witnessed the marriage vows of 34 couples (35 by the time I finish this weekend), not necessarily a huge amount for 11 years of ordained ministry, but not insignificant either.

As I looked over the names on the list, I thought of a question that was recently posed to me.  A brother priest asked what part of the wedding ceremony is most memorable.  For me, I am always moved when it comes time for the couple to exchange their vows with one another.  After declaring their intention to enter Matrimony, I say the following words to them:  “Since it is your intention to enter the covenant of Holy Matrimony join your right hands and declare your consent before God and His Church.”  As they join hands and look one another in the eyes, it is a beautiful moment to behold, and I count myself to be so privileged to be closer than anybody else in the church to see this special moment as the two prepare to enter into the one flesh union of Holy Matrimony.

Because they are often nervous, the couples that I have worked with rarely choose to memorize their vows.  They choose to repeat after me as they pronounce their vows to their future spouse.  Once again, it is a great privilege to be so close to the couple at this moment of great intimacy.  It has happened on many occasions that the voice of one or both crack as they are flooded with emotion, an emotion no doubt of great joy.  Then after the vows have been exchanged, the peace that floods their faces is a sight to behold.

When preparing couples for marriage, I like to remind them that this brief moment in the ceremony, not much longer than a minute or two, is what marriage is all about.  Everything else, from the dresses, to the flowers, to the reception, to the guests, and the countless other details that go into the day, pale in comparison to what happens in this sacred moment of the exchange of vows.  At that moment, they stand before one another and before God, asking the Lord for the grace to keep together the bond that is created.  And with God’s grace, it is indeed possible to do so, but the couple must never forget to keep Him at the center of their lives.  The couple is not alone in this, of course.  All of those who are privileged to witness this sacred moment are also reminded of the obligation that we all have to pray for married couples that they might remain rooted in the grace of the sacrament they have received so as to persevere until death do they part.

I therefore invite each of us to call to mind those we know who are married.  Bring them before the Lord and ask Him to bless and strengthen their union.  Whether they have been married 50 years, or less than one year, every couple can benefit from our prayers for them.  Let us also pray in a special way for those couples who are preparing for marriage, that amidst all of the details to attend to in planning their weddings, they will ever keep before their eyes the love of God who has drawn the two of them together, and who alone can guarantee that their marriages will be able to withstand the trials of life and so be a source of joy for the remainder of their lives.

Father Alford     

Although most Catholics are aware of this, I have recently encountered some people who were surprised to hear that Catholics must get married “in the Church.” By this phrase, I do not necessarily mean that Catholics must get married in a church building, but this should happen too. To get married “in the Church” means to get married according to the ritual of the Catholic Church in the presence of one of her ministers, usually a priest or deacon. If a Catholic gets married in a different way, such as at a courthouse, he or she is in fact not married at all according to the laws of the Church. 

So why do Catholics have to get married in the Church? There are several important reasons, although this has not always been the case. As I have said in previous columns, marriage was not invented by Christianity, but it was raised to the level of a sacrament by Jesus. In the time of the early Church, Christians probably did not have a distinct marriage ceremony from other people in their communities. At that time, most people would have taken marriage for granted, and the cultural understanding of marriage would have been that it was lifelong, faithful, and open to children, which is how our nature is built for marriage. However, at a certain point in history, the Church judged that there would be a great spiritual benefit for Catholics to get married in the presence of the Church’s official minister. The Catechism lists four of these reasons in paragraph 1631.

• Sacramental marriage is a liturgical act. It is therefore appropriate that it should be celebrated in the public liturgy of the Church;
• Marriage introduces one into an ecclesial order, and creates rights and duties in the Church between the spouses and towards their children;
• Since marriage is a state of life in the Church, certainty about it is necessary (hence the obligation to have witnesses);
• The public character of the consent protects the “I do” once given and helps the spouses remain faithful to it. 

A sacramental marriage is a union in Christ of the two spouses. With this in mind, it only makes sense to enter into this sacred covenant in the presence of the Church and in the house of God. Some couples would prefer to enter into marriage on an island somewhere as part of a vacation. While this might be fun, it does not reflect a good understanding of what marriage is. Marriage is certainly not just a vacation, and to place the beauty of a beach before the beauty of being in the presence of God is not a correct prioritization. 

There are exceptions to this rule. Catholics can ask for permission from their local bishop to get married outside of the presence of the Church’s minister. Bishops may give this permission for a good reason, such as when a Catholic is marrying a Jewish woman, and her family will not come to a Christian wedding ceremony. As long as there is not a danger of the Catholic losing his faith, a bishop could give permission for him to get married in the Jewish ceremony. While not a sacrament, this marriage is still a natural good and blessed by God. 

Marriage can get complicated and a little messy, as I’m sure we have all witnessed at some point in our lives. Christian marriage is no exception. If you have questions regarding the validity of a marriage, or if you would like help rectifying a complicated situation, contact your local parish or one of the priests at the Cathedral; we would be happy to help. Marriage is a beautiful gift from God, and it is worth the effort to ensure that our married couples are receiving all the graces they can from this great sacrament.

Feast Day: 40 days after Easter, this year, Sunday, May 16^th 

We are contemplating marriage this month, and having given two weeks to St. Joseph, it now seems the right time to turn to turn to his spouse, and Jesus’ mother, Mary.  But, we find ourselves at a particular place in the Church’s liturgical life: the last days leading from Easter to the day of Our Lord’s Ascension and Pentecost, when He fulfils His promise of sending the Holy Spirit upon the Church.  How does Mary fit into this?  And marriage?  

… as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight. …Then they returned to Jerusalem from the mount called Olivet, which is near Jerusalem, a sabbath day’s journey away; and when they had entered, they went up to the upper room, where they were staying, Peter and John and James and Andrew, Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew, James the son of Alphaeus and Simon the Zealot and Judas the son of James. All these with one accord devoted themselves to prayer, together with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren. (Acts 1:9-14)

I include this entire passage because this week I want to invite you to pray through this scene with Mary.  This is the very last time that Mary will be mentioned in Scripture (though St. Paul references Jesus’ birth in Galatians 4:4), but what last example does our Spiritual Mother offer us?  

She is with the apostles and disciples (that would be us!) – begging for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit – and Mary is the perfect person to show what it means to be open and available for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, because that was precisely the gift she received at the annunciation, 30-something years before.  

They are of “one accord” – of one mind, one heart, one mission, one hope; they are united, in communion, with the Lord – but wasn’t Mary the first one to be centered on Christ?  She held Him in her womb for 9 months, and in her heart every minute since, how much she can teach us about unity around, and union with, Jesus?!

They are praying – united in worship of God, and entrusting their lives to Him – and as all the scriptures come into clearer focus, and all the teachings and actions of Jesus begin to set their hearts afire, isn’t it proper that Mary, the one who had so long pondered the Lord’s working in her own life, is there to teach them the ways of trust and surrender?

They are joyful, indefatigable, hopeful, on fire – but Jesus just ascended! – wouldn’t most disciples be discouraged by their master’s disappearance?  Not these disciples, for Christ goes to prepare a place, and promises to remain with them, and once again Mary’s discipleship has preceded the Church’s.  She had already said goodbye to her son as He began His ministry, and then called a new family of disciples around Him, and then took up the cross … and each time she found herself even closer to Her savior and son.

And lastly, we are considering the Ascension, when Jesus takes our humanity with Him up to heaven.  What a glorious transformation, and promise of future transformation for us?!  Mary is the only saint to have been carried aloft to life with God in this complete and bodily sense.  There too, she follows closely after her Son, and shows us the path towards our own bodily resurrection.

In all these ways, Mary knows that discipleship and motherhood are related.  Both the disciple and the mother have to be open to life from on high … or else fail to bear fruit.  Both must be centered, captivated, consumed by love … lest their activities become scattered and meaningless.  Both need a deep, quiet, personal life of prayer … because without relationship the burdens of either life can crush.  Both must find joy in surrendering the life entrusted to them by God … for to grasp that gift is to lose it.  And, both must surrender their bodies to the vocation to which they are called … to give our spirits to God, but not our bodies, is to fail to receive the fullness of His gift for us. 

– Fr. Dominic Rankin prays the rosary every day.  One day stands above all the others as including a profound encounter with God in that devotion.  His spiritual director on the retreat before Theology I invited him to pray each decade imagining Mary, as a young girl, holding his hand and walking him through the mysteries she would live out in the years to come.  Many blessings were found that afternoon allowing her to show me her Son.

Many years ago, somebody asked me a rather interesting question.  It went something like this: “What was God’s first commandment?  And does He still ask it of us?”  I thought about the question for a moment, then I did what many people do when looking for an answer related to the faith…I went to Google!  Thankfully, the algorithm in Google pointed me to where I should have started in the first place, the Bible, specifically in the Book of Genesis.  

After the creation of Adam and Eve, and before the Fall, God issued this command: “Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:28)  To be fertile (or fruitful) is understood to be a command to cooperate with God in the creation of new human lives.  Even though the Fall damaged humanity’s relationship with God and one another, He nevertheless desires for this command to remain in effect and asks that couples who are entering into the Sacrament of Matrimony to be open to this important aspect of married life.  We see this in the Celebration of Matrimony itself.  Just before the couple exchanges their vows, the Church asks them: “Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and His Church?”

Today, as our country celebrates Mother’s Day, everybody who reads this can be thankful that their mother chose to say yes to God’s first command to be fruitful and multiply.  I am more than aware that not every child who is born into the world comes from the context of a couple who is married.  And while not ideal, we must still rejoice because every life is a gift from God, and the mothers who chose to accept that life lovingly from God are to be commended and praised.  I know that I will be thanking God in a special way for my mother today.

When I was younger and more foolish, I used to tell people that after having had two boys, my mother really wanted a girl.  She was indeed blessed with a girl, and I tagged along in the womb with my sister.  I remember how my mother reacted one time when she heard me say that.  She was clearly not in agreement with my assessment of the situation, and through that rather awkward experience, I realized that my mother had lovingly welcomed both my twin sister and me.  I was not just an extra to what she really wanted, I was a double blessing to her.  And so I thank her in a special way for lovingly welcoming me as a gift from the moment I was conceived in her womb up to the present moment.

Let me express my gratitude to all mothers on this day for their willingness to lovingly welcome their children into this world.  And for those mothers who may have had to endure the pain of losing that gift to death too early, we pray in a special way for their healing and comfort from the Lord, who looks upon all mothers with tender love for their willingness to obey His first command.

Father Alford     

In our American society today, there seems to be skepticism about the goodness of marriage. This is also a reflection of our skepticism about the world in general. As the Catechism quotes from Vatican II, “The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life” (CCC 1603). Marriage is a human reality even before it is a Christian reality, but the degradation of the esteem in which marriage is held has serious consequences for us as Catholics, because this sacrament is a great source of grace for those who need it. 

Marriage is hard. It is a way that most people in our Church are called to lay their lives down in service of God and his Church. Since God never expects us to do the impossible, we can know that he gives the help that is needed to live out such a sublime calling. Without the eyes of faith, it may be easy to discount the value of marriage as a simple social construct (even though this is not true). For Christians however, marriage is a source of incredible grace. 

When two Christians enter into a marriage, a special, invisible bond is formed, and this bond is the source of strength for the married couple. This covenant between the spouses does not remain simply on a human level but is “integrated into God’s covenant with man: ‘Authentic married love is caught up into divine love’” (CCC 1639). Christ dwells in a special way with a married couple. The graces that Jesus gives through the sacrament of matrimony are quite remarkable: “Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to ‘be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,’ and to love one another with a supernatural, tender, and fruitful love” (CCC 1642). Marriage sounds like quite the sacrament! Couples who choose to forego marriage in favor of simply living together are forfeiting all of these possible graces, and sadly the results often reflect this. 

True love is found in commitment. It can be very attractive to keep our options open indefinitely, and never make a true life commitment. But true freedom is found through giving ourselves away in love. This is true for married couples, priests, religious, and for all of us who are generous with ourselves in any way. “It can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life to another human being. This makes it all the more important to proclaim the Good News that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love, that married couples share in this love, that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness they can be witnesses to God’s love. Spouses who with God’s grace give this witness, often in very difficult conditions, deserve the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community” (CCC 1648). 

I used a lot of quotes from the Catechism this week, because I thought that these quotes expressed the great value of marriage so well. Let us give thanks to God for all the wonderful examples of married love that we have in our parish and in our families! 

Feast Day: May 1st 

Last week we stepped into Joseph’s workshop and spent a few moments watching love transform his simple efforts into joy, and grace, and peace.  We saw the delight spread across his face as Jesus learned from him to work with his hands, and to offer his heart.  We learned from his humility: to be forgotten, and yet to send ripples of hard-won love out into eternity…  

But what exactly was his work?  What tools were scattered across Joseph’s, and then Jesus’, workbench?  Matthew tells us that Jesus is the “carpenter’s son” (Matthew 13:55) using the Greek word tektōn [τέκτων], but this is a less precise term than our typical translation, “carpenter”.  Tektōn referred to a craftsman in a more general sense, someone who had tech-nical knowledge of forming wood, metal, or stone, even someone who constructed things from those natural resources, an archi-tect of some sort.  In the Old Testament, the wood-workers and stone-masons who built David’s palace (2 Samuel 5:11) are both described with that same word, tektōn.  Now, around Nazareth, there were not many trees in Jesus’ day.  Some 90% of the homes in the area were constructed from stone, and there was a giant quarry about a mile and a half from their home.  So was Joseph a stone mason, a builder?  Making the question even more incisive, Mark describes Jesus as “the carpenter [tektōn], the son of Mary” (Mark 6:3), so was Jesus a stone mason or builder?!

If we look elsewhere in the Gospels, we see plenty of examples and parables that Jesus gives with rocky-references: He acknowledges the beautiful stones of the temple (Mark 13:1-2), He refers to himself as the cornerstone (Luke 20:17), He calls Peter to be the rock upon which he will build the church (Matthew 16:18), and describes the life of discipleship as one founded upon rock (Matthew 7:24).  Perhaps it is fitting that the human work of the Creator of the world was to again shape stone and house humans?

Perhaps…

Yet one of the earliest Christian writers after the New Testament was St. Justin Martyr (who lived in the 100s), and he tells us that Jesus “was in the habit of working as a carpenter when among men, making ploughs and yokes; by which He taught the symbols of righteousness and an active life.”  Ah, now this is interesting!  There was not much wood around Nazareth, but they would have used wood to make plows, yokes, and other such implements.  No other material at the time would have been practical.

And, once again, we find a number of references in Our Lord’s words to such things as these.  “My yoke is easy, and burden is light” (Matthew 11:30) Jesus says describing the role of discipleship.  What a beautiful thought it is to consider Jesus fashioning a yoke for you or I, gradually shaping it to fit His and our shoulders perfectly!  Or, consider Luke 6:41, when the Gospels record Jesus’ teaching on judging others, retaining the vivid words “karphos” and “dokos” for “speck” and “beam”.  He could have used many other analogies, but chose this one – of a splinter of wood in one’s eye.  Did the image come naturally to our God, who very well could have endured that pain Himself?  

We do not know for sure what occupied Joseph, and Jesus, in their workshop.  Probably it was a mix of various humble tasks, but I think that we have learned another important lesson from the workshop of Nazareth: the no task is too menial for the God-man to do, and neither should it be for us.  

This past week, Pope Francis has added a few titles to those we use in the Litany of St. Joseph.  They are all wonderful – Guardian of the Redeemer, Servant of Christ, Minister of Salvation, Support in Difficulties, Patron of Refugees, Patron of the Afflicted, and Patron of the Poor – but perhaps that second one should inspire our understanding of marriage, and discipleship, this week: “Servant of Christ”.  If last week we learned self-gift, maybe this week would be a good one to work on servant.  I think none of us much likes the idea of servitude, but when the apostles describe their relationship to Christ, the first title they choose is that of “servant”.  “Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus” (Philemon 1:1).  “James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ” (James 1:1).  “Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 1:1).  “Jude, a servant of Jesus Christ and brother of James” (Jude 1:1).  And, Jesus chose the same identity for Himself: “the Son of man also came not to be served but to serve” (Mark 10:45).  

How did Christ serve?  Well, for about 20 years, by carving wood or carrying stone, and during His public ministry, but sleeping on stones and shouldering the cross.  May we find ourselves close to Him as we seek to do the same this week!

– Fr. Dominic Rankin has recently begun working out (with Fr. Dominic Vahling) at the gym.  He has not had a tremendous amount of experience doing such things, but has quickly come to realize the difficulty of trying to lift hundreds of pounds with his arms or legs.  Hopefully it is good practice for shouldering his daily yoke that often has greater spiritual, rather than material, weightiness.

Later this month, I will have the joy to celebrate the 10^th anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood.  While there were so many things that made that day special, there is one thing that stands out of which I am particularly proud.  At a dinner celebration the night of my ordination, I had the opportunity to say a few words to the family and friends who were gathered to celebrate the event, and my first words were to acknowledge my parents.  I drew attention to the fact that the following Saturday, they were going to be celebrating their 40^th wedding anniversary.  I was also happy to share that my grandparents on my father’s side (both of whom were there) had earlier that month celebrated their 65^th wedding anniversary.  It struck me in that moment how the fidelity of my parents and grandparents to their marriage commitment provided a powerful witness to me as I was beginning my life as a priest.  Just as God’s grace in their lives enabled them to persevere in love, so too was I hopeful that God would do the same for me in the years ahead as a priest.  And after 10 years, I have experienced how God’s grace has indeed been the sustaining factor in my ministry, filling me with so much gratitude for the graces He has showered upon me.

As I mentioned two weeks ago, the Sacraments of Holy Orders and Matrimony are known as Sacraments at the Service of Communion, for they are ordered toward the salvation of others.  More than just being categorized together in the Catechism, there is a very real way in which these two sacraments are complementary to one another.  After ten years as a priest, I can see the many positive ways that I have been influenced by the example of how my parents have lived (and continue to live) their lives.  Beyond my parents, I also think of the many married couples I have known in my 10 years as a priest, and how they have been a source of encouragement and inspiration to me.  I can only hope that the witness of living my priestly commitment has done the same for married couples or those preparing for marriage.

I know that I am not alone when I say how important married couples are to priests and deacons.  I have no doubt that all of the clergy of this parish could point to the example of their parents, grandparents, and parishioners who have been sources of support and inspiration to them, helping them to live their ministerial commitment more fully.  So on behalf of all of the clergy here at the Cathedral, I offer a special thank you to the many married couples in our Cathedral Parish for your witness.  You help to make us better ministers who are privileged to help you in living out your vocations, as we all work together to help one another get to Heaven.

Father Alford     

This year, we have been aligning the theme of our bulletin articles with the theme of our Family of Faith formation program here at our Cathedral parish. The last sacrament we are studying this year is the sacrament of Marriage. It is always helpful to me to begin with where we find this sacrament in Scripture. Part of the definition of a sacrament is that it was instituted by Christ, so we can always find something about the sacraments in the scriptures. 

Marriage is unique among the sacraments in the way that it was instituted. Jesus did not “invent” marriage; marriage was a part of the human race since the very beginning with Adam and Eve. Marriage has been the most basic part of society in every culture in all parts of the world. This is why we say that Jesus raised marriage to the level of a sacrament. Any man and woman in the world can get married, but only baptized Christians have the sacrament of Marriage as a source of grace and strength. 

The most clear example of Jesus raising marriage to be a sacrament is found in the story of the wedding feast at Cana (John 2:1-11). Jesus attended this wedding of somebody who was presumably his friend or at least a friend of his family. During the feast, the wine ran out, causing a clear panic among the servers and a potential point of embarrassment for their newlywed hosts. When Mary said to Jesus, “They have no wine,” she interceded for the couple as she does for us even today. We know how the story ends and that Jesus turned approximately 150 gallons of water into wine. This is clearly way too much wine for even the best wedding reception! The Church has always seen this abundance of wine (which gives joy to the heart, according to the Psalms) as a symbol of God’s abundant grace given through this new sacrament. The Catechism says, “The Church attaches great importance to Jesus’ presence at the wedding at Cana. She sees in it the confirmation of the goodness of marriage and the proclamation that thenceforth marriage will be an efficacious sign of Christ’s presence” (CCC 1613). 

By becoming a sacrament, marriage for Christians is a sign of God’s faithful love for his Church. The Gospels describe Jesus as a “bridegroom” who lays down his life for his spouse, the Church. When describing the reasons for celibacy, I often say that Jesus was never married. While this is true, this renouncing of marriage is for the sake of another marriage: being married to the Church. Christ and his Church are united in a mystical union which gives birth to new life, such as in baptism! Christ laid down his life for his bride, which St. Paul encourages all husbands to do for their own wives. Since marriage is a fairly common sacrament, the depth and beauty of this great mystery is sometimes forgotten about. During this month, I hope to at least begin the exploration of this sacrament of spousal love.